A Defining Moment That Shaped Who I Am Today
When people ask, why I created The PenniZ Show, I tell them that it grew out of my personal journey and a defining moment that shaped my calling more than four decades ago. It was during these years that a few defining moments shaped my calling.
Two years ago, I hit a low point. I was in a fog, trying to figure out what to do and where to go. My whole life was a mess. I was going through a divorce, had just moved to Florida for a new beginning, knew no one and was financially unstable. My health was bad and I was overweight. Aches and pains were normal.
It was a dark time for me and I wasn’t motivated to do anything. I would get up, take care of the dogs, do the minimum to keep things running; and head back to bed.
Months later, I woke up one morning feeling like the fog was finally lifting. I’d had enough! Everything in my life felt like a mess, including my spirit, finances, relationships and my health. I was tired of feeling like this and I was ready to move on. However, I was uncertain the steps necessary to take and where to start to make them happen successfully.
A First Step
Rewind back a few years earlier; I had joined a Mastermind Group that turned me on to the JJ Virgin Diet. Determined to regain my self-worth, I decided to start by first changing my health. It was a way to get quick results and empower myself through good decision-making. The day I started the 21-day sugar elimination program, I took control of my life. I worked out, ate healthier foods and tracked my progress. By the end of the program, my energy level was up, my aches and pains were gone and I lost weight. I felt fantastic!
This program and the support of my Mastermind Group helped me to get my life back. It empowered me to stand up for myself and make the “right” choices for my life.
To achieve the “mindful” change in my life, I was ready to take the next step in my personal growth journey. I took a deep dive into several self-development programs. I learned to look back at my life decade by decade, examining how I felt inadequate and why. I then made a huge discovery; a life-changing breakthrough. I realized that for nearly my entire life I never felt like I was good enough. I realized these feelings went back to when I was only 6 years old.
Picture this. My little brother, another kid and I were playing a game in the front yard. My brother, who was about 3 years old, was supposed to run under the sheet as the other kid and I raised and lowered it. (You can already see where this is going, can’t you.) Ideally, my brother would have run under the sheet before it came down on top of him. Right, you guessed it; as we were lowering the sheet, my little brother got caught in it and fell on the concrete driveway. He was badly bruised, terrified and ended up with a black eye.
My mother got so mad at me. “Why weren’t you taking care of your brother?” she said. “Why were you playing this dangerous game?”
It was a pivotal moment. Something shifted in my brain. It was the first time I felt like I wasn’t good enough — not good enough to take care of my brother.
A Lasting Impression
From then on, I interpreted many situations in my life in the same way. I was able to justify bad things that happened to me by telling myself I wasn’t good enough. Maybe that explained why I was bullied as a child – I wasn’t good enough. Or when I was a freshman in high school and was the one person who did not make the cheerleading squad – I wasn’t good enough. Let’s not get started on the failed marriages. Surely, I wasn’t good enough.
Discovering the source of my feelings of inadequacy triggered a complete mindset shift that helped me tear down the walls that boxed me in and left me feeling like I was “not enough.” I spent 44 years of my life feeling like this. “Never again,” I told myself, “never again.”
By realizing that my life choices all came from a place of “not enough,” I started processing and shedding the stigma that held me back for so long.
For almost 20 years before The PenniZ Show debuted, I rehabbed houses. I liked to take a fixer-upper and bring it back to life. So perhaps it’s not surprising that after taking an assessment and discovering my “why,” which is to make things better, that it all made sense to me.
This awareness led me to my real life’s purpose: I love helping people become their best selves. It’s like rehabbing a house, only it’s “rehabbing” the mind.
Motivating people who want to transform their lives from the inside out is my life’s work.
I truly believe sharing our stories and verbalizing them with others can help you transform your mindset and your life.
Today, I am free! I know that the feeling of being “not enough” was all just a story in my head. It was all just me creating my own perception of an event and not a true depiction of what really happened.
I’ve since made a commitment to myself to dedicate my professional life to helping as many people as I can who struggle with a feeling of “not being enough.” To bring real, relevant and relatable stories and tools to help you be your best self and live your best life.
I know there are achievers out there who want to accomplish even more for themselves, their families and their lives by overcoming the not enough experiences. I feel you are open to change and personal growth.
Are you ready to unlock the mystery? Your deepest secret is simply FEAR. The word F.E.A.R has two meanings: You can Forget Everything And Run – or – Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours. Know this: You ARE more than enough!
I discovered that the following is true for me: Your mess is your message, your message is your story, your story is your purpose, your purpose is your journey.
This is the gift that I was given. This is the gift that I am committed to sharing with the world.
PS: Let’s do this together. Tune in and engage with me on The PenniZ Show. Here’s my original story.